a writer will do anything but write

i used to write poetry regularly. words are probably my strongest medium & mode of expression. so why is it hard to just fucking write sometimes?

“A writer will do anything to avoid the act of writing.”

—William Zinsser, On Writing Well (2006)

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for some reason, i fall into an anxious panic whenever i think about the act of journaling.

i used to feel some small pride in the fact that i wasn’t a daily journaler, even though i’ve been a writer forever. something about chronicling the passage of time via my own inner monologue just freaks me out. i’m 31 now and there are so many chunks of life that i’m agonizing over now because i didn’t “properly” capture my own experience at whatever point of life i was living. and i really wish i could look back and see inside my 8-year-old, 15-year-old, hell even my 21-year-old mind. the self evolution is one of the best processes to witness, and dang, i’m upset at my current self for not previously writing down what my past self was thinking, feeling, doing, LIVING!

it really all comes down to me yet again being hard on myself and making it into a bigger thing than it has to be. (classic!!) i’ve discovered that the best way to get myself to do something hard-but-important (like writing) is to make it NBD. so NBD that i can simply start pounding on my keyboard and words will just prophetically flow out of me! like what’s happening as i type this!

because damn. it feels good to speak in the written word. the gratification of seeing my words and voice typed out on a page…priceless i tell ya.

so, here i sit, poring through my drafts folder filled with fragments of ideas that *will* become fully written-out posts here on tigerzine dot com. as long as i don’t make it A Big Deal™️ for myself, i think i’ll land on a nice monthly rhythm of churning something out of my brain that’s worthy of a tigerzine post.

i’m tired of wanting to wait until everything is perfectly thought out, perfectly written, perfectly formatted, and perfectly edited before i release it into the world. this also applies to myself. i’m trying to get into the mindset of showing up exactly as i am—for friends, for community events, for my family, for my own creative practices, for my dreams & goals, and just…for me.

this may sound simple, but for perfectionist virgos like myself, this takes time to really learn & let sink in.

go to that party in whatever you’re wearing right now, you don’t need to turn a look out every time! put out that recorded mix with the messy transitions filled with songs you love! reach out to the places you wanna play at without needing a connection to them! just shoot your shot at what you WANT! no one else can do it for you!

do it imperfectly because that’s the new perfect.

do it for your own enjoyment and pleasure. (isn’t that what life’s about?)

do it so loosely and carefreely that even more comes out of you than whatever you expected.

do it. it’s really no big deal at all.